Growing up I was taught that the word
conversion referred to a one-time event in a person's life, a
moment of personal commitment that resulted in total spiritual
transformation. (Others who, like me, grew up in conservative
Christian homes will certainly know what I am talking about.)
However my own experience has been of not one but many transforming
moments in life and this has led me to understand conversion
in a different way. I have come to think of it as something
that happens - and should happen - many times in our lives. In fact
it must happen many times if we are to be truly alive and growing
human beings.
I define conversion as a
fundamental shift that takes place deep within us, at the very core
of who we are, during moments of particularly deep insight in our
lives. These are shifts that mean that from that moment forward
something fundamental has changed in our understanding, commitments
and/or priorities; in a significant (although perhaps subtle) sense
we have become a new person. This may take place in a conversation,
watching a movie, reading a book, in a time of personal crisis, in a
moment of religious inspiration, during a walk in nature, in a
near-death experience, in a moment of silent reflection or
meditation, or in any number of other situations or settings. Some
conversions result in
dramatic change, leading one, for example, to take an entirely new
direction in life. Others are hardly perceptible, except that over
time one's life takes on a particular, recognizable direction and
tone, the cumulative effect of those numerous moments of slight but
nonetheless fundamental inner shifts that shape us.
I am
interested in knowing if this narrative fits with your experience.
Have you had experiences that created or led to a fundamental change
in direction, value, priority for you? Can you see the cumulative
impact of subtle shifts that have come to shape significantly who you
are today? Your comments or personal sharings are welcomed.
In my
next post I will write about an experience that was one of the more
dramatic conversion moments in my life. It resulted in a fundamental
change in my understanding of the world and led to the formation of
values and priorities that continue to inform who I am at the deepest
levels to this very day.
I hadn't thought of it until now, but I have been going through an apprenticeship in conversion. As you know, David, I work on an organic farm. Farming is a peculiar vocation, in that it is not really a job, but more a lifestyle, yet it involves a lot of technical information. In past careers, I learned what I needed to, without being too close to the experiences. That isn't possible with farming, and I'm learning from co-workers how to let it be a personal experience. For instance, the difference between saying, "We should spread fertilizer today", and "I want to spread fertilizer today." The first is a statement whose outcome I'm detached from. The second is a statement of both what I think we should do, and caring about whether or not we do it. That has gone against my constitution, but it is what's called for, and I'm being converted to actually be a farmer..
ReplyDeleteWell put Andrew. In my case, a perspective that had been made uneasy and remained so for years shifted dramatically within a space of a few minutes. What you are sharing is the realization that a change in who you experience yourself to be is taking place through a series of gentle (and maybe at times not so gentle) nudges that have happened over the last few years. It really is fascinating to suddenly realize that we are experiencing the world and living our lives out of a new sense of who we are and of what is important. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteThis is my understanding of conversion too, David. It is good to hear you speak of it in reference to the common concept with which folks grow up. I feel the downside of such a concept is that we miss developing the mindset of constant renewal - death and rebirth - and gain the belief that we should just get there and things will be okay. This flawed thinking underlies the American Dream.
ReplyDeleteThank you Donna. "death and rebirth" is a very helpful image in reflecting on conversion.
ReplyDelete